Prayer – In one billion, three hundred forty nine million, six hundred seventy eight thousand, four hundred and eighty-twelve lessons.

Lesson 3

So, I’ve said that I think prayer is essentially asking for stuff. Fortunately, I’m very good at asking for stuff. If you are reading this, please send me money. See? I told you I was good at it.

“May your name be revered and honored” is a kind of strange thing to ask. I talked to my bank this week. I asked about some services they offer. I asked what those services would cost me. I asked what paperwork was needed to apply for those services. Funny thing is, I never asked, “How could we set up this account so the bank gets a great reputation and makes a huge profit?” I was afraid he would tell me.

I have a theory that if I eat something that is better than an alternative I am eating healthy. So ice cream that’s sugar free is basically health food. In fact, it’s so healthy that it’s almost like taking a vitamin. Last night on the way home from work, I stopped at the grocery to buy ice cream. I considered what flavor I wanted. I considered what price was best. I considered which variety was sugar free so I could get my vitamins. I even considered what flavor my wife might enjoy. I did not ask the grocery manager “which ice cream should I buy in order to benefit the store and enhance its stature?”

So, this morning, I decided to try it. I stopped at a gas station. I went in and asked the clerk “would it be better for you if I bought a Diet Coke or a Diet Pepsi?" (I needed some health food in my breakfast). The clerk needed to have her hearing checked. “Pardon?” she replied. I repeated my request. “Come again?” I said it again. Then her brain stopped. “I don’t understand.” I said it very slowly, because we all know that saying the incoherent slowly and loudly makes it completely understandable. “Woooooouuuld iiiit beee betteeeerrrrrr foooorrrr yyyoooouuuuu….” At that point she looked past me to help the next customer. For some reason they both looked at me like I was a lunatic. Immediately after she helped him she had to tend to something in the back room. I assume she must have gotten a call or something.

The point is… it’s a strange request to make. You can ask all powerful God for whatever you want. (Cars, houses, and chocolate all come to my mind quickly.) So you ask for His reputation to be advanced. Maybe it’s just me, but it kinda seems logical if God wanted his reputation advanced, he could do it, with or without me asking him.

In fact, now that I think about it, while I didn't ask my banker how the account change could benefit the bank, but I’m pretty sure he was thinking about it without me asking.

Prayer – In one billion, three hundred forty nine million, six hundred seventy eight thousand, four hundred and eighty-twelve lessons.

Lesson 2

My second grade Sunday School teacher taught us the Lord’s prayer. When she got to the part about “Hallowed be thy name," I thought it had something to do with Halloween. I imagined Jesus carved into a pumpkin. I had seen a cartoon of Ichabod Crane and I had visions of the headless horseman thundering in the dark, holding a pumpkin with Jesus’ face carved into it. He threw it at Ichabod and it hit him in the head. The result was that Ichabod got saved and knocked into the river… which I took as his baptism.

You may be surprised to learn that “hallowed” was not a word I used a lot when I was 7. You may also be surprised to find out that it’s still not a word I use often. I use the word aardvark more often.

Anyway, my Sunday School teacher said that “hallowed be thy name” was adoration. But if you listen carefully it sounds more like a hope. “Please grant my desire that your name be revered.” If adoration was intended, Jesus would not have said it the same way he said "thy kingdom come," in which He was asking for something.

It’s a request. “Please grant my desire that your name be revered.”

If I told my wife, “you are beautiful to me.” That would be adoration. If I said, “I request that you be beautiful to me,” it would be a well earned instant ticket to sleeping on the couch, but not adoration.

Similarly, “forgive us our trespasses," is not confession, it’s a request.

Rule of thumb: If you can put a "please" in the front, or the end of the sentence, it’s not adoration, confession, or thanksgiving, it’s a request.

Prayer – In one billion, three hundred forty nine million, six hundred seventy eight thousand, four hundred and eighty-twelve lessons.

Lesson 1

Once, I tried to read a story in Spanish. I couldn’t do it. So I asked my daughter, a Spanish major, to translate it. I discovered something amazing. The story said pretty much the same thing in English that it did in Spanish. I guess that’s because translation means getting the text to say in the second language what it already said in the first.

We all know that in old English, “pray” meant to ask, or request, or plead, or beg, or petition for something. It’s because the Greek and Hebrew words that are used mean ask, or request, or plead, or beg, or petition for something. A careful scrutiny of the above will indicate that THEY MEAN THE SAME THING, and THEY MEAN TO ASK.

Prayer is not “adoration, confession, thanksgiving.” Before your heresy alert goes off, please note that I didn't say that you shouldn't adore, confess and be thankful. Adoration is essential. Confession is an important command. Thanksgiving is the only appropriate response much of the time. But none of them are prayer. Praying is asking for something.

So, I pray thee, hunt through the scriptures and find any reason to think that praying is anything more than asking.